Mammogram

I tell myself it is better to know than to not know,
It is the smart thing to do to take the diagnostic test.
Why, then, does it provoke such anxiety?
It really isn't the actual procedure,
I know that is only a moments discomfort.
Anxiety dogs my mind as the time draws nearer.
I tell the lady that yes, there is a "history",
Mother, but it was the lung cancer that got her.
Any updates for this year?
Well, yes, I have to tell you my sister was diagnosed.
Earlier this year, diagnosed one month,
Down a breast the next,
All because she took three years off in her forties.
I tell myself on the way to the appointment
That surely fifty is the magic number,
Which means I have a few more years to be carefree.
Not so, my mind screams from the depths,
This can come any time now,
It is a very real possibility that it will be me
Looking down the barrel of the cancer gun.
And so, as I do the "rational" thing,
I only want to know now if it is good news.
Then I can forget the specter for one more year.