Mammogram

I tell myself it is better to know than to not know,
It is the smart thing to do to take the diagnostic test.
Why, then, does it provoke such anxiety?
It really isn't the actual procedure,
I know that is only a moments discomfort.
Anxiety dogs my mind as the time draws nearer.
I tell the lady that yes, there is a "history",
Mother, but it was the lung cancer that got her.
Any updates for this year?
Well, yes, I have to tell you my sister was diagnosed.
Earlier this year, diagnosed one month,
Down a breast the next,
All because she took three years off in her forties.
I tell myself on the way to the appointment
That surely fifty is the magic number,
Which means I have a few more years to be carefree.
Not so, my mind screams from the depths,
This can come any time now,
It is a very real possibility that it will be me
Looking down the barrel of the cancer gun.
And so, as I do the "rational" thing,
I only want to know now if it is good news.
Then I can forget the specter for one more year.

Sleepless Nights

They have started to look the same to me,
These nights of no sleep,
The times I venture up the stairs.
Each of these times,
I see the moon shining in the window,
Looking out, I see the town laid out in cool light.
Shadows are deeper, and sound carries further.
I think to myself on these nights,
We lie to ourselves as adults,
We say that everything is just as it is in the daytime.
My mind and heart tell me differently,
For something could lurk in those shadows,
Laid out in the cold light of the impersonal moon.
I imagine many things, from other people,
All the way, in these late night fancies,
To trolls, and mystical creatures,
Only allowed to roam on the night of the full moon.
I stand and gaze out the window,
Thankful on these moonlit nights
There is a pane of rational glass between me and outside.

A Cat

I wonder if she remembers,
This far down the road.
In her old age, what she thinks?
Does she remember tropical
Dreams, lizards and humidity?
Do cats remember like we do?
I can't answer this one,
The cat can't say that
Fifteen years ago, she was brought
From a tropical island stateside.
I never expected her to live this long
But I have to guess
They breed them tough in the tropics.

What I Wish I Was Told

It's ok to make mistakes,
None of us are perfect.
Heck, I make mistakes,
So how can I expect perfection
From you?
Well, that really was not
The worst thing that could have happened.
I can tell you stories,
A lot of them, about the things I did.
Not all of them turned out that good,
I tried a few different things,
And they blew up in my face.
Not literally, but you know,
That sick, sinking feeling?
Yeah, that one, where it all goes
To pot?
I have experienced that,
And embarrassment, yes, that happens too.
OK, it is ok. You will live through it.
I won't make fun of you because of it.
These are a few things,
I wish I was told.

Time

Suddenly it seems to have happened,
Seasons turned, years passed,
Never could have imagined this.
I don't think it has been that long,
We were young, hopeful,
Years laid before us in an endless plain.
By my reckoning, we have used
About half of them, maybe less,
No longer as optimistic.
Still, I never would have predicted,
We would be sitting here,
About halfway down the road,
Still moving along.
I wonder at the end of the line,
If I will look back and think
It went just as fast as the first half?