I Want

I want to push the button and re-open communication,
But I am afraid, sorry to say, afraid.
I am scared it will open those deep wounds,
That fatal day my friend, your mother, died.
Oh, for this to work, I have to be honest,
It was when she killed herself.
A splendid piece of light went out,
And I was shocked she could leave you.
I kept in touch for a while, obligation,
Caring, feeling so helpless you were cheated.
Worse was the way you could tell the pain,
It needed to come out, I know that,
And I don't blame you, one bit.
I feel terribly guilty that I just could not,
Couldn't carry the burden of your grief,
Along with my own.
There, I said it, I felt like I failed you,
I couldn't fix what was wrong,
Unless I could raise the dead.
I hope I can tell you this when I do
Choose to push the button,
And talk again.